THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
