she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
