It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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