The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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