So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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