Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
