maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
