In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
