So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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