At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
