somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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