You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Rumble strips road head = magical
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
