tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Walk of Shame today included voting.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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