dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
