took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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