i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
