I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
