that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
