She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
