why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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