a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
