I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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