even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
