no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize