wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
