so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
