There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
