I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
