we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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