just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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