she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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