yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He shit in the fireplace
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
