Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
