Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
