i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize