and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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