she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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