her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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