if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
