You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
