come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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