they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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