Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
