what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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