Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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