When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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