Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
