Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
