When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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