I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize