my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
