I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
