What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize