24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
