So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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