Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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