The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
