My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
