On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
