There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
