I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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