One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
