Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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