I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
