Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
