By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
