i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
