If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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