You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we're chasing vodka with high fives
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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