I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
