Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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